formality - Has "may" become a formal version of "can"?


When I went to school I was taught that when asking for something you use "may I (have/do something)". "Can" was used only when asking if you are "physically capable" of something.


These days I have a feeling that you can also use "can" where we would formerly use "may".


I know the rules on "can/may" hasn't changed formally, but has there been a change in usage of the two?


Do schools still teach pupils to ask for things with "may"?



Answer



The enforced usage of "may" instead of "can" is old-fashioned and school-marmish. In all but the most stilted conversations, people ask for permission using can instead of may.



Can I get a little help here?


Can I borrow your car?


Can I take you to dinner Friday night?



All those are fine usages, and no one but a ninny would attempt to correct you for using any of them. On the other hand,



May I get a little help here?


May I borrow your car?


May I take you to dinner Friday night?



sounds more formal, with an extra dollop of politeness. One might even say that the dollop is not so much politeness as fussiness. Using "may" instead of "I" is fussy at best, hyper-corrective at worst. In my own case, I hardly ever use the construction except somewhat sarcastically, as in the following sort of situation:



Me: Do you have an extra pencil?


Co-worker: Yes.


[Pause while nothing happens.]


Me: Do you have it with you?


Co-worker: Yes.


[Further pause, while co-worker does nothing to produce a pencil]


Me: [Impatient at co-worker's coyness] May I borrow it, please?



In the above exchange I am using may instead of can because my co-worker is kidding around [she should have understood my initial question as a request to borrow a pencil, but is playing a little game] and I wish to speak to her as one might to a child.


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